goat

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The room was piled up with old vinyl, retro toys, hi-fi centres and dodgy furniture. He'd amassed quite a collection. Now the time had come to carry out his master plan. He needed to use his pile of 70s memorobilia to try and abate the incesant mewing of neighbours horny cat. My neighbour used to pacify it by giving it cans of beer, which made it belch, but it was an improvement on the mewing. It never chased any mice. But then why should it? This incessant emphasis on performance was beginning to irritate. Perhaps it would be better if we all simply faced up to the inevitable, washed our socks more regularly, and bathed naked in the mildly radioactive ocean. The obsessive compulsive mermaid was distraught to find herself growing a second set of boobs. Her merman wasn’t complaining. Not since he'd been harpooned in the face anyway. Mermen were a travesty of nature, evil, violent, ugly fuckers and they smelt of fish. The only good merman is a dead one as my old grandpappy used to say before they took his travel pass away. Good day.
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