International bullshit artist David Blaine was busy pumping his munchin in near total silence when he looked over the side of the bed and exclaimed

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International bullshit artist David Blaine was busy pumping his munchin in near total silence when he looked over the side of the bed and exclaimed "i got laid, i got laid, oh i'm so happy!!" So I showered and put on my sexiest underwear, sprayed perfume in all the important places, put on a bit of barry and turned down the lights. A half hour later a knock at the door startled the flock of chickens that had taken roost in my gutters. "Hello", I said, whilst trying not to take in mouthfuls of feathers floating down from the heavens as I opened my front door. My feathered friends had gone postal. They squawked loudly and went about pecking peoples' eyes out. Eventually a camel intervened and called in a ragtag gang of killer bees for a desperate counter-offensive but there was no honour in such vulgarly low expressions of human weakness. I tipped my hat, turned to the door, and the credits rolled.