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Story No. 31285
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Cats is a great musical because it's got lots of
badgers. Everywhere. Bloody things. I decided to fetch a shotgun, and shoot
the landlord. He was such a prick. Unfortunately, he caught wind of our plan and he
laughed. A deep, raucous laugh, like Brian Blessed after a good night of rogering. It wasn't pleasant, so I decided I'd had enough, and
so I took a three-week vacation to the Bahamas. Unfortunately, when I came back, the same shit I left behind was still here, so I
ran to the nearest B&Q, bought their entire range of garden forks, and used them as tridents to strike my enemies with a mighty wrath. It didn't work. I died.
