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Gaius Caligula cackled as he ripped the foetus from his sister-wife's womb, disembowelling her in the process. Oh dear what a calamity. It took several days to clean up, using a toothbrush and a little soap. However the end result was worth the extra time and attention because I have something to tell you. I am your secret grandfather, Sir Cecil Fartpants. You must worship me as Queen Diana. Place me up on a pedestal, but don't look up my dress. I am not wearing any pants. What if I'm not wearing any? I mean, is there a law saying that you need to wear pants? I don't think so.
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